mollyL

There is alot in your story that could have been written by my husband only a few years ago. Your wife sounds like she is manic depressive bigtime. She needs serious help, and especially if she is in a sensitive job as you say, if she can't /won't get the help for herself, then her superiors need to require it of her.
Back a few years ago I was treated for anxiety and depression, but no one but my husband recognized I had slipped back into bipolar behavior. I didn't believe it myself. I still feel such guilt for all the years I hurt him and for him being basically left alone, but he tells me it was worth it. If she won't do it for herself or you, then her superiors need to know, now.