Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 04-24-2012, 06:06 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

I'm not sure if this is the proper venue for my post since I am not the betrayed spouse so I apologize in advance if I touch a nerve or am in the wrong by posting.

I've been with my wife since 2007 and married since 2009. We have a 2 y.o. son and we are expecting a daughter in June. I've always had an issue with boundaries and avoiding cheating. I was on the other side and cheated on quite a few times when I was younger and that sort of made me bitter about the whole thing. Why stay faithful when no one else is? I think looking back the first few girls I dated were just bad apples and it really messed with the way I see relationships for a long time.

The only woman I love is my wife and she is the most important person in my world (along with our kids). I cheated quite a bit when we first dated and a few times within the first year of our marriage. I sort of had a light-bulb moment once our son was born and I haven't done anything of a physical nature with a woman since his birth. I couldn't give exact numbers for how many times I cheated but there were six other women in total from the time we were dating and married. It is awful and I am so embarrassed and ashamed of my actions. I should never have done that.

I haven't done any actual physical cheating with the woman my wife knows about. My wife accidentally read a message on my phone and with a little digging found a lot of texts and emails back and forth from me to a married co-worker. It was a lot of flirting and it was inappropriate. She is heartbroken and is so angry at me. I know I was wrong and I want to do what it takes to fix our marriage and keep our family intact for our kids. I am not going to cheat on her ever again.

My issue is do I tell her about the physical affairs. If by some chance she finds out on her own it would be game over. She would leave and file for divorce. I am almost certain of it. She says she has never even said anything inappropriate to a guy and me flirting with my co-worker violated our marriage vows. I'm just terrified. She is so angry over the flirty emails. If she knew the truth I am afraid she would kill me. I don't know what to do.

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