swedish

In reading your post, what stood out for me was that he is struggling with his issues from his past (before he met you) and realizes it must be impacting how he has acted since being with you. I really think he wants you to be the one he works through his issues with and is finally opening up to you because he doesn't want to do the wrong thing again and get close to another woman. For whatever reason (could be he didn't want to introduce issues into your marriage, etc.) he was unable to open up to you in the past, and he sees it was the wrong way to keep your marriage strong. While uncovering my husband's affair, I also found porn and I understand what it's like to get hit with all of this at once. It's devastating to say the least. One thing that helped me was to understand better why he was watching the porn. For him, it wasn't that he didn't find me attractive or exciting enough, it was completely separate from our intimate relationship. He was able to release some tension (sexual or otherwise) without having to worry about pleasing me, etc. In everything I researched on the subject, I did find a trend that says men are visual and have sexual urges, etc. and at the end of the day I'd rather he deal with those urges with looking at a monitor than interacting with an actual woman. Once I was able to come to peace with the porn discovery, it was much easier to focus on the real issues and concerns (the ones involving actual people). Now that we are doing well as a couple, he rarely looks at porn (i've asked him) even though I have told him I've come to terms with it as long as it doesn't affect our sex life.