wickedlittletown

Warning! This is going to be a long post...

My husband (I will call him John) and I have been married for almost 3 years. I am 23 and he is 25. We dated for 2 years before getting married and were good friends in high school. I met him with my best friend (I will call her Jane) at the time when I was about 16. Jane and John dated for about 3 months. Jane is the type of person who is sarcastic, tactless, and can be very stand offish. She broke his heart. He used to do the sweetest things for her and she never appreciated it. Anyways, Jane got in to drugs when she was about 18 and both John and I stopped talking to her completely. My mom died right around the same time and John was really there for me, he was a great friend. John and I started dating eventually and moved about 3 hours away from our hometown (including Jane) and we were very very happy. He had been through a lot of unloving relationships and we had something he never had. We ended up getting married and the first year was amazing. I still to this day cope with losing my mom, we were very close, and I am in and out of depression... I don't know how much that has to do with our problems but I just wanted to add it... Our marriage started going down hill a little bit. We were both working a lot and going to school full-time. I deal with stress very badly and I was a lot more grumpy. The sex started to become less and less existent. We would go through periods when things felt really good between us but it was like a roller coaster. I always feel like it is my fault. Anyway, we ended up moving back to our home town about 1 year ago. Ever since we have been back Jane has been hanging out with us. I felt uneasy about it from the start, and let John know it. I used to look up to her sarcasm and tactless wit but now I am annoyed and offended by some of the things she says. Here's were it gets really screwed up though... I am bi-sexual but had never really had much experience with women. My husband and I ended up having a foursome on New Years which included Jane and a very good male friend of mine... Before moving back to our hometown John had said he still loved Jane. Although after we had our foursome he said he only wanted friendship from her as the whole experience was too weird for him. (I think I was more in to it then he was). Now ever since then I can't separate Jane and John. I told him it makes me uncomfortable. They talk all the time. She started doing Speed again and he 'helped' her to stop. Now she drinks all the time and wants us to go to bars with her. When ever we walk in the room Jane jumps in John's arms (she's usually trashed) like she hasn't seen him in years and gives me a short hug... Things are very uncomfortable between Jane and me and I end up drinking to feel better. Which usually ends up me being totally wasted.John knows how I feel about her and that she makes me uneasy. She is really hard to get a long with and I can't for the life of me see why he puts up with how she behaves. Last week John and I got in an argument about me drinking so much and he doesn't like how I treat him when I am drunk. He ended up sleeping on the couch that night. It's not like I haven't talked to him about how I feel. We tell eachother almost everything. I sent him a long email explaining things again. His response is that he doesn't think it is Jane's fault that things are so uncomfortable. He says I give her dirty looks. My response is that she shouldn't expect me to be nice to her if everything out of her mouth sounds like a put down and I don't think its funny. I ended up saying I don't want to be around her anymore. Ever since I said that he has been seeing her and talking to her even more. Despite how rocky she is making our relationship. I want to be the most important thing in his life again but I don't know how. I tried something different today... I am going to try to remove alcohol from the equation... I invited her over for a movie. Maybe if we try to just hang out in a healthier environment it will help? I don't know what else to do! I don't want him to have to choose between us because I can see how important her friendship is to him... But I also don't want it to destroy our marriage... HELP?!