10 Years Later the Truth Comes Out
My H had what I thought was an EA with a woman who, at the time, was my best friend. He swore they were not physically involved - and like a fool, I believed him. I endured this for 3 years - and the stress took its toll. I suffered heart palpitations that I still have meds to control, lost all of my hair (which thankfully did grow back), and developed migraines which still require medication and semi-annual neurological screening. By the time he ended it, I was a mess ... but I survived.
Suddenly, last August, I had an abnormal pap and was diagnosed with HPV - which I didn't have before. I suspected he might be wandering again, but could find no proof except that I had caught him having phone sex with someone (which was weird) - but he claimed it was one of those 900 numbers. He was embarrassed - and apologized - and I let it go.
Then in January, I had genital warts and another abnormal pap. Not knowing how I could have contracted either (I've not been with anyone but him), I point blank asked him if I could have gotten it from him ... he answered "yes". He had had sex with my EX-best friend during the three year period that they were seeing each other - plus, he admitted there had been another woman he was involved with around the same time whose name was Kathy, but he couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me her last name.
I'm not sure which is more difficult right now - dealing with the knowledge that he was sleeping with two other women (or more) or dealing with the fact that he lied about it and let me believe that lie for ten years.
To add insult to injury, he claims he knows how badly he screwed up, how much he hurt me, etc. and that he loves me - but treats me like I have the plague. No intimacy, no reassurance, nothing ... I feel like I have a roommate instead of a husband.
I'm feeling angry, betrayed, used, useless, damaged, insecure, etc. - and part of me wants to pack my bags and run - but, I'm 54 - we've been married for almost 34 years - have two great adult children and two beautiful grandchildren. My family means the world to me ... and leaving my husband would destroy them. How can I stop hurting without hurting them?
Guess I'm learning the hard way that you don't have to be alone to be lonely - any advice?