Originally Posted by chapparal
It amazes me how often this comes up here and the betrayed spouse (son) lies and says something like "We're doing fine".
His answer should be " How the hell do you think we're doing"?
Its really simple, honesty is the best policy.
Or if its true ..............".Hey we couldn't be better, gotta run."
Don't take it easy on her, no one wins.
All I can say on this subject, is that my kids have transformed before my eyes, especially my son. He has gone from being a spoilt, lazy boy, to a responsible, soon to be teenager. He keeps his room tidy, brings his laundry down for washing, does his homework days ahead of time and generally tries to do his best. Tonight, he prepared his own packed lunch for a day out with school tomorrow. I did not ask him to do this.
After the initial turmoil, I set some ground rules, which weren't drastic but were not what he was used to and he didn't like it. I therefore took the approach of praising the positive things he did but not scold him for the negatives. I gave him responsibility and left it to him to decide how he would deal with this. He has responded magnificently. he is not the lad he was six months ago.
He could quite easily say to his mum, I am doing much better now than I was when you were here but I don't want him to do that. Since he is unaware of the real background of his mum's behaviour, I need to treat him as though nothing but a separation has taken place. I have asked him to respect his mum when she txt's by replying to her. I suggested to him that he replied to the last txt by just saying "Hi mum, I'm fine", which he did.
As far as I'm concerned, my S does not need to be involved in the re-education of my W. My D's are well capable of putting her in her place