Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SELC or SEC (take your pick)
| | Re: If TAM had a t-shirt, what would the tagline be?
TAM - We are sorry you are here but glad to have you with us.
Please note our disclaimer & warranty provisions below:
We can't fix stupid but we reserve the right to make endless jokes about it. We make no other warranties, expressed or implied. Enter at your own risk. Speed limit - 28.8 or higher. Hostess will seat you. Trucks over 4 tons excluded. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. This is a test of the emergency broadcast system - this is ONLY A TEST! Batteries not included especially while using the Sex & Marriage board. Contents may settle during shipment. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Use only as directed - YOU know who YOU ARE.
For indoor or outdoor use only. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postal service will not deliver mail without postage. May be too intense for some viewers. See other side for additional listings. This product is meant for educational purposes only. For recreational use only. For office use only. For entertainment purposes only. Only 1 winner per household. Do not disturb. All models are over 18 years of age.
Apply only to infected areas. If condition persists, consult your physician. Now with new plastic applicator. High altitude directions-increase time by 10 minutes. No user-serviceable parts inside. Website contains small parts and is not intended for use by children under the age of eighteen. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop. Return your seatback and tray table to their normal upright position. Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. In the event of decreased air pressure, oxygen masks will pop out of the top of your monitor. Breaking the seal (or wind) constitutes acceptance of agreement.
For off-road use only. Do not block intersection. No stopping or standing. Don't even think about parking here. As seen on TV. One size fits all (except on the Sex & Marriage board). Do not use while sleeping. Contains a substantial amount of non-Tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. Insert this end first. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. This page made from 100% recycled electrons. Slippery when wet. No substitutions allowed. Caveat emptor.
Provided "as-is" without warranty. We are an equal opportunity establishment (unless you are FUBAR). No shoes, no shirt, no problem. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized board for service. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. No money down. No purchase necessary. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. Process promptly.
Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Webmaster is also not responsible for items left, lost or stolen. At participating locations only. Sold by weight, not by volume. Do not take with alcohol (just kidding!). Substantial penalty for early withdrawal (refer to Sex & Marriage board for specific guidelines). Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Use seatbelts even with airbags. Add toner. Avoid contact with skin (until you've followed AR's sig instructions). Sanitized for your protection (again, refer to AR's sig). Employees must wash hands before returning to work (see AR's sig).
Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Beware of dog and cat. Filmed in front of a live, studio audience. Please make your selections from the following menu. All representatives are still busy assisting other callers. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you when they feel the need. Please call back during our normal business hours. No passes accepted for this engagement. Do not use this product with a petroleum based lubricant (refer to Sex & Marriage board). No animals were harmed in the preparation of this web site; only humans.
This web page contains no CFCs. Discontinue use if nausea or dizziness occurs. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. No soliciting. Bridge freezes before road surface. Stop, get ticket. Right lane must turn right. Left lane must turn left. Middle lane must make up their damn minds. This site runs on unleaded fuel only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buses and carpools with two or more people only. No hitchhiking.
Components may be hot. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer. Details on reverse side. Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. We reserve the right to check all bags, coats & personal belongings upon exiting this page. Recycle. Fragile - handle with care. This side up. No jumping or diving. No running by the pool. Register has less than $50 after dark. Driver does not carry cash.
No swimming unless lifeguard is present. Swim at your own risk! Please do not wade in fountain. Guaranteed low prices. Not transferable. Actual size not shown (see Sex & Marriage board). Contents under pressure (see CWI board). Do not intentionally inhale vapors (see Social Spot board). Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Please be kind, rewind. Booths for two or more. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Some equipment shown is optional (see Sex & Marriage board).
Do not remove any HTML tags under penalty of law. Hand wash only - tumble dry on low heat. First pull up, then pull down. Insert Tab A into Slot B. Call toll free number before digging. This space (____________) intentionally left blank. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate (Sex & Marriage board only). Doors do not rebound or bounce back. Your mileage may vary.
These terms do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, my dog or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. Patent pending. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, induce vomiting. Ribbed for her pleasure. Offer valid only at participating locations. Slightly higher west of the Rockies.
Listen to your mom. Eat your veggies. Wear your seatbelt. Don't take candy from strangers... or strange people... or anyone really. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life and move on. This list was current at the time of printing. Terms are subject to change without notice. All decisions are final! This supersedes all previous notices.
Does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, or other acts of God, neglect, damage from improper use, incorrect line voltage, unauthorized use, unauthorized repair, improper installation, typos, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, disk failure, accidental file deletions, mud slides, forest fire, hitting of a deer, milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking, or projectiles, which can include, but are not limited to, arrows, bullet shots, BBs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.
This disclaimer may not be copied or reproduced in any form without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.