Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - does anyone have a R story where they niced their spouse out of an affair?

Paladin · 04-28-2012, 12:35 AM

I think there might be a misconception about exposure going on. It seems that exposure is often equated with "the nuclear" option. While I agree that some "scorched earth" exposure tactics are a 'chainsaw' where a 'scalpel' would be more effective, I know that tactical, thought out, exposure is almost a 100% must. The main reason is personal sanity and letting go of the toxic nature of "keeping" such a "secret." The biggest bright spot in the first four weeks after D-Day for me was exposure to my parents, her parents, and my boss, who went through a similar situation when he was younger. It literally felt like something was lifted from my soul, and the dam broke. I was able to start mourning the passing of the old relationship and marriage, which in turn led to my ability to look ahead.

Exposure is not always a "nuclear" option. Exposure does not always have to be widespread and loud. When done for the proper reasons and in the proper way, exposure is a must for any BS to get a foothold on healing.

04-28-2012, 12:35 AM	#32 (permalink)
Paladin Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 336	Re: does anyone have a R story where they niced their spouse out of an affair? I think there might be a misconception about exposure going on. It seems that exposure is often equated with "the nuclear" option. While I agree that some "scorched earth" exposure tactics are a 'chainsaw' where a 'scalpel' would be more effective, I know that tactical, thought out, exposure is almost a 100% must. The main reason is personal sanity and letting go of the toxic nature of "keeping" such a "secret." The biggest bright spot in the first four weeks after D-Day for me was exposure to my parents, her parents, and my boss, who went through a similar situation when he was younger. It literally felt like something was lifted from my soul, and the dam broke. I was able to start mourning the passing of the old relationship and marriage, which in turn led to my ability to look ahead. Exposure is not always a "nuclear" option. Exposure does not always have to be widespread and loud. When done for the proper reasons and in the proper way, exposure is a must for any BS to get a foothold on healing.