She is the alpha in our household, and she will admit to being a "controlling person". Yet she tells me she wants me to be more of a man and make more descisions... I dont get it?
That's because you are thinking reasonably. I hear this a lot in other circles where topics of control are much more common. The general mindset is that they want a man to TAKE control... to best them in some sort of emotional combat. It's all very romantic in a harlequin romance sort of way. It just doesn't make any sense in the non-fantasy world. My wife came to me and told me that her needs arent being met
Oh really? And for how long have her needs been going unmet before she decided to clue you in? and that she loves me but is not "in love" with me.
Interpretation, she doesn't love you. Whenever anyone resorts to confusing doublespeak you can pretty much assume they are deliberately hiding something.
Here's my best guess. She doesn't want romance or movies or flowers. She wants you to "be a man" and take charge. Then, of course, she can blame you for doing so. I personally don't think you've done much wrong here. I think your wife needs to get a WHOLE lot clearer on what she wants. I also think she needs to stop playing games with you.