Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - My husband moved out with his GF but came back only when I started seeing someone

moxy · 04-29-2012, 03:54 PM

You did the exact right thing in letting him go because it woke him right up out of the affair. However, he seems like a serious jerk. Do you actually want him back?

If he lied to you for five years about the affair and then only came back because he realized he's losing you, then he really needs some putting in place because there need to be consequences. Otherwise, he's essentially hearing that you'll take him back another time, too. Don't let him think it wasn't a big deal because it was a very big deal; otherwise, he might try to resurrect this underground when things seem calm and quiet. Make marriage counseling a condition of your reconciliation.

Did his AP know he was married? Is she married? Is there a chance that he's lying about just abandoning her without a goodbye because they're just covering their tracks? It's a little suspicious.

And, DO NOT trust him. Be vigilant to make sure that the affair hasn't gone underground. He may just be trying to appease you so that when you're not really paying attention, he can resume things with the AP. A five year affair can't be this easy to give up cold turkey. Get a VAR and a GPS in his car. Put a keylogger on his computer. Monitor things.

You're a saint to take him back after he has treated you that badly, but make sure you're not a fool. That is, don't let him sucker you into believing he is a changed man if he is lying.

Does he seem remorseful about what he did? Is he doing any of the heavy lifting? Does his return seem sincere or manipulative?

Please don't trust him without verifying that he is trustworthy. And, make sure you guys get STD tested and that you expose the affair so that he can't resume things easily with his AP. And, make sure he takes the right steps like sending a no contact letter to his AP.

Consider posting in the Coping With Infidelity section because everyone in there knows what you're going through and might have useful stuff to say.

04-29-2012, 03:54 PM	#12 (permalink)
moxy Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 1,458	Re: My husband moved out with his GF but came back only when I started seeing someone You did the exact right thing in letting him go because it woke him right up out of the affair. However, he seems like a serious jerk. Do you actually want him back? If he lied to you for five years about the affair and then only came back because he realized he's losing you, then he really needs some putting in place because there need to be consequences. Otherwise, he's essentially hearing that you'll take him back another time, too. Don't let him think it wasn't a big deal because it was a very big deal; otherwise, he might try to resurrect this underground when things seem calm and quiet. Make marriage counseling a condition of your reconciliation. Did his AP know he was married? Is she married? Is there a chance that he's lying about just abandoning her without a goodbye because they're just covering their tracks? It's a little suspicious. And, DO NOT trust him. Be vigilant to make sure that the affair hasn't gone underground. He may just be trying to appease you so that when you're not really paying attention, he can resume things with the AP. A five year affair can't be this easy to give up cold turkey. Get a VAR and a GPS in his car. Put a keylogger on his computer. Monitor things. You're a saint to take him back after he has treated you that badly, but make sure you're not a fool. That is, don't let him sucker you into believing he is a changed man if he is lying. Does he seem remorseful about what he did? Is he doing any of the heavy lifting? Does his return seem sincere or manipulative? Please don't trust him without verifying that he is trustworthy. And, make sure you guys get STD tested and that you expose the affair so that he can't resume things easily with his AP. And, make sure he takes the right steps like sending a no contact letter to his AP. Consider posting in the Coping With Infidelity section because everyone in there knows what you're going through and might have useful stuff to say. __________________ "He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it." -Martin Luther King, Jr. "“We first crush people to the earth, & then claim the right of trampling on them forever, because they are prostrate." -Lydia Maria Child.