Originally Posted by FallenMan
I conceded it could have gone physical. I wasn't trying to have a physical affair and I have been very hard on myself and tried to avoid situations where I could/would physically cheat. Being caught in the EA was a wake-up call for me and I realize what is at stake. But I haven't kissed or had sex with another woman in quite some time.
Do you seriously think I should tell my wife who is due to give birth in less than two months that I've cheated on her? We are being told to keep stress as low as possible for her. How in the world can I tell her something so serious now? A few of you keep trying to make this a black and white issue when its really not.
I've had so many people tell me take it to the grave or wait. My gut tells me take it to the grave or at least put it off until a better time. I am changing. I know I did something truly awful. But I don't want to lose my wife and family. Telling her about the affairs would risk everything we've worked for.
The open marriage thread was just an option I briefly considered. I don't think it is for us and its not something we are considering. I have a lot of issues with it the more I think about it and my wife showed no interest in it when I brought it up.
Yes, I think your wife deserves to know who she is married to. Tell her after the baby? Sure, but I am sure your excuse will be " but she just had a baby, that isn't fair to her". Then it will be "but we have two small kids" and then "but we have kids". Yep, sure, I got plenty of excuses. Yes, excuses.
She was working for a marriage with a faithful and honest man. You were working for a marriage in which you lie and deceive your wife while having sex with other women. Two separate goals.
I am sure you have plenty of people who tell you not to tell her. To protect yourself. Their advice has nothing to do with what is right for HER, its about protecting yourself and making sure she still sees you as this wonderful husband instead of what you REALLY are. It has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you avoiding the consequences of your actions. Had she not caught your EA, you will still be cheating right now without any regard to your family you keep using as an excuse to lie to your wife.