Originally Posted by DawnD
Okay, I can buy that you were having unprotected sex for so many years with nothing, but I highly doubt your GF was having years of unprotected sex without a pregnancy resulting. I think you like to think that she was a completely innocent woman, but I doubt it.
She offered to have an abortion to a guy who was longing for a child of his own, huh? Wow. What a gesture. She knew you would never go for that. And she knew if she got pregnant you would leave your wife, because SHE had what you really wanted. The ability to give you children.
It isn't a secret. Its a LIE. You are lying to your fiancee. A secret is not telling her you used to think Batman was awesome. A lie is not telling her that you cheated on her. Big difference.
I've written about this a little but my at the time girlfriend was not the most experienced person in terms of sex. She could have done more to prevent a pregnancy but I feel like its on me to be careful. I was the older person, the more experienced person, and the person with more to lose. I'm not going to slam the woman that is going to be my wife and is the mother of my child. I'm sure she isn't completely innocent. After all she was having an affair with a married man. But she isn't some calculating witch like people seem to think. She is a fun, caring, kind, woman. She has her flaws like we all do. But she isn't evil. If anyone was in the wrong in our saga it was me.
The abortion may or may not have been an empty gesture. Regardless it wasn't something I wanted at all. After trying for years for a child when I finally have an opportunity to have one I am not going to want to terminate. I don't know what her thought process was at the time. I do not think it was that manipulative though. Its just something that happened and we tried to make the best of it.
I was legally married to my wife when the sex occurred. It was more pity sex than anything. It wasn't something I enjoyed or even wanted. Its really debatable if that constituted cheating on my girlfriend. I think it was wrong but I never though much of it until some folks on this site mentioned it.