| | I don't feel guilty, I just feel sad
Long story short: 10+ years of marriage and 3 young children. I have been restless and unhappy and went seeking an affair. Had a brief one that was okay, nothing to write home about. Thought about another, when H found out.
I hate that I hurt him, but there are reasons I did this, some I understand, some I don't. And we are going to seek counseling and all of that, but I don't know that I want to be married any more. It's a good marriage, by most accounts. We see eye to eye on most things, we are friends, and there is no lack of attention or affection from him. I just don't want it any more and I don't know why. I ache from wanting to touch other people and experience true heart-pounding desire again.
And I hate living up to someone else's expectations all the time, whether they are real or perceived. I will always have to be accountable to my children, but I no longer want to be accountable to any other adults besides myself. I want to run my household my way, and just BE ALONE!!!
So many stupid little things about him bug me and I know full well it's me, not him. I know that. He hasn't changed, but I have. A lot. My views and ideals have changed immensely and what I think I want from my life has changed a lot. I don't want the trappings of a house and material goods. It all seems so damn overwhelming all the time.
We will give this a try, we will see if we can make it work. But I just don't know....