Re: I don't feel guilty, I just feel sad
You know, sometimes change is a good thing and sometimes it is not. BUt, if you have changed so much, I again wonder why you shouldn't just leave and let you husband find someone to love who is capable of a loving mature relationship.......
Long story short: 10+ years of marriage and 3 young children. I have been restless and unhappy and went seeking an affair. Had a brief one that was okay, nothing to write home about. Thought about another, when H found out.
I hate that I hurt him, but there are reasons I did this, some I understand, some I don't. And we are going to seek counseling and all of that, but I don't know that I want to be married any more. It's a good marriage, by most accounts. We see eye to eye on most things, we are friends, and there is no lack of attention or affection from him. I just don't want it any more and I don't know why. I ache from wanting to touch other people and experience true heart-pounding desire again. Sounds like you are chasing the fantasy of new love. I can not last in the fashion you appear to describe. It is an illusion and you will be left wanting each and every time you enter a relationship. You need significant counseling to understand yourself and your choices. Probably best to let your husband go and find someone worthy of his love
And I hate living up to someone else's expectations all the time, whether they are real or perceived. I will always have to be accountable to my children, but I no longer want to be accountable to any other adults besides myself. I want to run my household my way, and just BE ALONE!!! Adults have responsibilities and obligations and they benefit from companionship, commitment and connections. Sorry you haven't grown up. Good luck
So many stupid little things about him bug me and I know full well it's me, not him. I know that. He hasn't changed, but I have. A lot. My views and ideals have changed immensely and what I think I want from my life has changed a lot. I don't want the trappings of a house and material goods. It all seems so damn overwhelming all the time.
We will give this a try, we will see if we can make it work. But I just don't know....