cdy

My fantasy has always involved my wife, and it is so weird and specific, that it almost seems more difficult to explain than some kinky bondage fetish. I have gently attempted to nudged her in this direction, but she laughed it off. We have been married 20 years, and she is amazing to me in every way. This fetish does not interfere with our sex life, which i consider wonderful (i think she does too). So, here it is; I am turned on by the idea of her orally worshipping my body (not my genitalia). I have used pictures of myself, or (here comes the weird part) internet pictures of guys who could broadly resemble my look/physical traits, and i fantasize that they are pictures of me. The mental image for me is of her being the aggressor on these pictures. I feared for a while that i was perhaps a latent gay, because researching this fetish has brought me to many gay websites. This fear has actually kept me up at night. I thought, "my God, what if?!?!" But i have ruled that out; NO WAY! I am not turned on by men, period. This seems to be a bizarre narcissistic fixation, and i think i need professional help to address it. I usually entertain this fantasy in the early morning hours before getting ready for work, then i am done with it for a few days; it does not interfere with my job or family time.
I attempted to reveal this to her a week ago, including the gay part. I have always felt tremendous guilt about it, and God forbid she or one of my kids walked in on me one morning. BIG MISTAKE! She was mortified, and remains so a week later. My revelation, was, in hindsight, selfish. Should have kept my mouth shut. Funny, the idea of revisiting my fantasy is, under the current situation, too bizarre for me.