Originally Posted by Catherine602
No the other way around. It is only a suggested number. But why confine the touch to the bed or home, or to cuddling?
Did you ever notice that couples touch a great deal in the early stages of the relationship? They hold hands, hug, stand close touching and sit close.
I can tell when people have been together for a long time, they don't touch or stand close. The only touch may be sexual.
That may present problems for the person who needs more than sexual touch. My husband and I hold hands when we go out walking, he guides me by holding my shoulders or waist when we are in a crowd, we touch when we are out at parties, or in a group standing around.
We touch a lot when we are together. We sit together in the evening and sometimes when we are watching on TV he lays on my lap and I stroke his hair.
My husband was not affectionate when we first got married. He was when we dated then it slowly decreased until we only touched during sex.
That was not enough for me. I needed more so, I told him. I asked nicely because he had no way of knowing what I needed. He changed for me. Now he says he needs it as much as I.
I know the actual number above isn't important, but the amount of rejection is. Like many men, my main 'love language' is intimacy (sex) and touch.
Our situation is I touch, hug, etc. (both in bed and out). She either accepts it or rejects it. When the touching, hugging in bed gets to a certain point, I may get aroused. Sometimes it is obvious that she is also getting aroused and wants to be close and that is perfect. Sometimes, I can't tell. If I go too far she will most often reject me (from 4 out of 5 times). I get the comment, "We just made love five days ago!"
My problem is that my love bank is empty. When she rejects me it is a withdrawal. When we actually make love, it isn't really a deposit, because she has made it clear (through the rejections) she is doing it because of obligation, not because of her desire for me or because of her love for me and her wanting me to be happy. The only time I feel loved is when I 'knock her socks' off. Often after the session, she will talk about how great it was and how we need to do it more often. Problem is that it is only talk.
The difference between your marriage and mine is that your husband responded out of love when you told him your needs. My wife has shown that she either doesn't believe my needs are real or just doesn't care.