Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

jaquen · 05-04-2012, 02:27 PM

She's very different than a "friend" to me.

My wife and I were best friends for six years before we became a couple, from age 15-21. We were so incredibly close as friends that when I started falling in love with her, it felt like betrayal to her. Eventually, after a couple years of me persevering, she began to recognize that her feelings for me were beyond those of friendship, and we got together.

But something happened. I always imagined it would be just like our friendship, with the element of romantic feelings and sexuality folded in. That didn't happen. My wife couldn't make the transition so, in some key ways, we started from scratch. We built something entirely new, and different, and now here we are, almost 12 years later, and our relationship really isn't a "friendship". For a very long time I was confused, and disheartened, because I wanted her to be my best friend again. But after awhile I accepted that we were something new, something totally different than what we were, and I came to enjoy and embrace the "new" us.

Our marriage is passionate. We are in love now more than ever. W rely VERY heavily on being "in love", and feeling those highs. My wife and I still get nervous around each other sometimes. We still sometimes feel a little shy, and apprehensive. The butterflies/take your breath away feeling, while not always consistent, is still there a lot for us and we relish that. We don't share a lot of mutual hobbies and interests that best friends would. There is still a certain "mystery" there for us, which isn't typical of friendship and companionship. If we go out on a date night, sometimes it feels like we've just started dating.

Yes we are honest and we are very close. Yes there are elements of friendship, but it's definitely more of a romantic relationship than a "friendship". We both are blessed with incredible, incredible friendships that serve important roles in our lives, so we don't rely on each other as the sole source of those needs. Friendship is a part of our relationship, of course, but not the largest part. It's definitely, above and beyond anything else, more of a true, blue, ongoing romance.

05-04-2012, 02:27 PM	#29 (permalink)
jaquen Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 2,624	Re: is your spouse your friend? She's very different than a "friend" to me. My wife and I were best friends for six years before we became a couple, from age 15-21. We were so incredibly close as friends that when I started falling in love with her, it felt like betrayal to her. Eventually, after a couple years of me persevering, she began to recognize that her feelings for me were beyond those of friendship, and we got together. But something happened. I always imagined it would be just like our friendship, with the element of romantic feelings and sexuality folded in. That didn't happen. My wife couldn't make the transition so, in some key ways, we started from scratch. We built something entirely new, and different, and now here we are, almost 12 years later, and our relationship really isn't a "friendship". For a very long time I was confused, and disheartened, because I wanted her to be my best friend again. But after awhile I accepted that we were something new, something totally different than what we were, and I came to enjoy and embrace the "new" us. Our marriage is passionate. We are in love now more than ever. W rely VERY heavily on being "in love", and feeling those highs. My wife and I still get nervous around each other sometimes. We still sometimes feel a little shy, and apprehensive. The butterflies/take your breath away feeling, while not always consistent, is still there a lot for us and we relish that. We don't share a lot of mutual hobbies and interests that best friends would. There is still a certain "mystery" there for us, which isn't typical of friendship and companionship. If we go out on a date night, sometimes it feels like we've just started dating. Yes we are honest and we are very close. Yes there are elements of friendship, but it's definitely more of a romantic relationship than a "friendship". We both are blessed with incredible, incredible friendships that serve important roles in our lives, so we don't rely on each other as the sole source of those needs. Friendship is a part of our relationship, of course, but not the largest part. It's definitely, above and beyond anything else, more of a true, blue, ongoing romance. Last edited by jaquen; 05-04-2012 at 02:40 PM.