Originally Posted by Lyris

I think the reason children become the primary focus for love, or one big reason, is that loving a child is so easy. It's effortless. And it's so so rewarding, instant gratification. Whereas loving an adult is sometimes hard and sometime not very rewarding, if youre not getting much back. We expect stuff from our partners; support, love, responsibility. You hear it all the time, 'marriage takes work," "love is a verb" etc. Although it took me a few weeks to bond with my first daughter, since then the love just pours out for my girls with no work at all, no matter what they do. As a parent, you love your baby with no expectation of reward or even reciprocity in the beginning, or you do if you're emotionally stable. I think it's pretty hard to love a partner like that, we all have expectations and deal breakers.

So on the one hand you have this baby who is designed totally to elicit fierce love from its caregiver/s, from the delicious way it smells, to the big cheek-small nose-big eyes ratio of its face. It's so simple to satisfy its needs - food, warmth, loving contact. Squeezing a knee brings hysterical laughter. Then you have your spouse who has all kinds of needs, stated and unstated. They might be tired, resentful, guilty, prickly, angry, depressed. It's really no wonder people turn to a baby or child. It's just easier.
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