| | The truth about manipulation. It's not what you think!
If your thinking about movies where the poor women was deceived and manipulated, get over it. I'm not talking about brainwashing or any crazy **** like that. Manipulating can be as simple as acting like your sick to get out of having to mow the grass, or as complex as getting your hubby to have a threesome. It is natural and human nature to do it but its how you do it, why you do it and whether or not you should do it that determines whether or not your right to do it.
My wife is going to set up an account to help explain what I mean. No it won't be me posing as someone else. I am mindful of my manipulations and no longer do it to my wife because I don't need to. Most marriages are not built on manipulations but most people stay married because they are manipulated to being empathetic, or understanding, everybody is just too dense to see it. You can tell me all day long that you don't or didn't used to manipulate your husband or wife, my wife does it to me and I let her because I don't mind doing what she wants most of the time. Even though she thinks she has to manipulate me to do stuff that are part of the things she usually does, it doesn't bother me, because its usually an act of desperation and I am empathetic so I understand that the kids and house can be overwhelming at times, and I'm glad to help.
Consequences to negative actions are a form of manipulation and are necessary for all of society.
If you think about it, it isn't any different than the show Intervention. They manipulate them into a dialog, then manipulate them into self reflection, then the person sees what they have become and chooses to change for the better, and after its done they have better relationships etc. They know that that person is unwilling to change and they hurt the ones they love. You can say well they have an addiction. True, but being a **** hurts too and can be just as difficult to open a dialog with that type of person. Usually only the person who's problem it is can fix it. You can help them be a better person. You can't just say "well if your not going to talk to me I give up". People usually have to be coaxed into a situation where they can fix their problems, because you cannot fix their problems for them.
The wife who is tired of housework asks her unwilling husband to help around the house. He says he will but never does, so she goes on strike. Good for her right, the house is a pigsty for 2 weeks before he "understands her position" and starts helping out. Now she happy, and he's more understanding.
He had to go through several stages to get there:
resistance, to what she wanted him to do
witness, the consequences to his actions
anger, because of loss of control
guilt, from seeing what she had to do every day
self reflection, questioning whether he was right or not
empathy, from realizing how hard this is on the one he loves
giving in, because he realized it was the right thing to do
She manipulated him into undergoing a self reflecting session, he felt empathetic and started helping around the house. She may not have even realized she was manipulating him, but she still did it and was not wrong for doing it.
Even though you may not see it, the way I manipulate people is to force a positive self reflection. I create a setting to induce empathy, and therefor self reflection. It may seem superficial but if you read into it you will see. I can't put up with years of counseling, fighting, and heart ache. I get to the root of the problem then generate a setting for self reflection for the one issue through manipulation. The outcome is normally beneficial, and if it makes everyone happy who cares. We need less science and more common sense. Believe it or not I have taken complete strangers (usually men) who are having marital problems and in 20 min made them realize its their fault, then they fix it. Not seek counseling which costs more money and creates more stress, or waiting years for the problems to "fix themselves". I am a realist, up front, and brutally honest. Bleeding hearts are great for support if that's whats needed because there is no fix, fine that's not me and I'll stay out of it. My wife went from no sense at all to completly self aware through lots of self reflection about her actions and the way they effect others; after a while I didn't have to force it. Now she does it on her own and very rarely makes mistakes especially socially. I think she is brilliant. That doesn't mean she does everything I ask her to like a slave, because that is definetly not true. We have a very open relationship and talk about our problems all the time. We constantly work to have a better marriage. She is aware that I have had to manipulate her into seeing that something was wrong or to make her a better person, and shes fine with that because she has done it to me as well and I am glad she did. Maybe its just the way I do it? I am not mean. I don't do it to make people do what I want them to, I do it so they see whats right. Sometimes people just needs to get off of his high horse and making them feel inferior is the fastest way to open a dialog. People are less complex than the sciences that study them. There is beauty in simplicity. It doesn't have to be some long drawn out solution. Sometimes its best if people see who they really are.
AND NO I'M NOT TRYING TO GET YOUR GOAT! I'M A REALIST AND NOT A BLEEDING HEART.
What do you think?