mommy22

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I now have to deal with the shame and guilt of my transgressions. Yesterday, we both went to get tested for STD's, HIV, the whole gamut. Although, I'm quite sure it will come out negative, I can't believe we even had to go through that. For someone who had never slept with anyone but her husband, I'm so ashamed. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we await results and move forward. I have more love and respect for him now than I ever have in my life. I guess I knew I was at a crossroads. I either had to bow out or make it work. I didn't think it was fair to make that decision without him knowing the facts. We couldn't move forward with that kind of baggage. I guess since I've disclosed everything else, and no one here knows who I am, I might as well say that what I found out was that he had a drug problem. He admitted to marijuana, cocaine (his drug of choice), crystal meth-- to name a few. He said he would snort cocaine in the bathroom (while the kids were in his care) while I was mowing grass, in his office bathroom, as he was driving. It's the reason why I was ignored. He has been clean for the last few months, which is why he had been acting better lately. It's hard to believe that he hid it that well for 15 years. It explains why he'd gained weight recently (no longer taking) and why he hasn't been ignoring my needs. He's been doing rehab and I had no clue. So as I say, we have lots to work through-- especially trust issues. He called the other guy today and told him to stay out of my life. He told him that he needed to tell his wife but he wasn't going to make that his business unless he ever tried to contact me again. I'll let you all know when I get back our test results.