| | Re: keyloggers, fake profiles, spying?
Our MC told me, in front of my husband, to install GPS and spy software on his cell phone. And to come up with any other ways I needed to hold him true. He explained that my husband had a strong bond with his emotional affair partner, that the temptation to keep in contact was very powerful, that the spirit might be willing to reconcile with the spouse but the flesh was weak, so to speak.
This is indeed what happened in the past, when I first discovered his emotional affair. He lasted about 3 to 5 weeks without contacting his AP. He then sent out a 'how are you doing' email. She sent one back. A week went by, and then he sent another email, etc. By 6 weeks I can see from these (three year old) emails that they were right back in communication as if there had never been a break.
Here's the thing--I never once verified that he was not in contact. Three years went by this way. Three. Years. Then he accidentally texted me instead of her and the gig was up.
The MC said that the cell phone monitoring (which I also do via the bill) is also intended to reduce my anxiety, and gives my husband a chance to prove himself to me. I definitely find it reduces my anxiety. To ask my husband for his phone and see him hand it to me straight away (vs. before when he would say, let me just check my work emails while deleting their texts).
But you are right--you cannot snoop and monitor and spy forever. In 2012 there are an infinite number of ways to communicate--heck they could trade notes in a hollow log like they did in the old days. Instead, it is a short-term bridge to get the WS past the point of temptation (a window during which their bond is still so strong that it is very hard for them not to break "no contact"--it is a powerful habit and a wonderful fantasy that they long to return to). It is a way for the betrayed spouse to come out of the physical state of hyper vigilance (think of someone slamming a door behind you, making you jump; now think of feeling like that ALL DAY LONG for WEEKS).
I am already at the point where I sense I will be giving up monitoring; I go for longer and longer and longer periods in between.
I DON'T look because I think he's cheating. I will have the divorce papers ready so fast if I ever think that again it will make everyone's minds spin--if I think he's cheating the monitoring will end, **forever.**