nikkin

Wow you have all been so kind. I have only been able to tell 3 people.. so I don't have alot of support , and one of those is the therapist.

I feel I am on the roller coaster they talk of. My husband seems to want to make it all go away, and it is in the past , let's move on, make it better. I want to say..well fix the past then!

And he has now admitted he did make some type of personal relationship with each stripper/hooker, cause well he did not like the idea that he was paying for it, but he knew he had to..but like wanted to pretend he wasn't ???? okkkk.. If that makes sense?

He does FINALLY admit maybe he did not love me as he should have when he started this.. ( ya think?). I have asked him this question 1,000s of ways.. to always be met with I loved you always the same.. it was just about sex, no way did I think it was just about that.. , nor did the therapist.. so he pretty much wasted 2 weeks of therapy for me.



I don't know where tomorrow brings me..I honesly don't know if I can forgive him ever. How can you forgive something like this.. ?? I can make it my new reality maybe.. but not forgive..I do love him though. He is a good person, was a good husband. I have spend so much time being his wife/girlfriend..=34 years.. It is just hard to be anything else. . Does anyone else feel that way?? I hope I am not being too judgemental. I hope one day I can move past it , and not think of it as much.. and wake up , and not see everything differently like I do now. The grass , the trees, everything look differently.. anyone else feel that way?