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Originally Posted by sadwithouthim  I'm trying to make better sense of this statement. The whole not missing me part has hurt me to no end. How does someone not miss someone after being with them for 22 years? What are you saying we are doing by being down our spouses don't seem to miss us? Wouldn't lack of that feeling upset anyone?
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It is like this.
Thinking about whether or not the person that left us is thinking about us or missing us is giving them power over us. Simply put, we are seeking the X's approval for something deep down we know to be true. If we are good people or not. If we are lovable. If what we had was real.
So, when we ask ourselves, "I wonder if they miss me at all" we seek validation from them. We are seeking our own worth from them. I know it is hard to think like this, but you are not together, you are separate or divorced, and you have been, most likely if you are here, wronged in someway by THEM.
The person that hurt you the most in your lifetime, most likely, is not the person to seek out self worth, or self validation from. Can you see how backwards this way of thinking is?
"Hey you shot me! Do you still love me?"
The place you gotta get is here. Not giving a damn about whether or not they miss you. That shows that they no longer have a hold on you. They don't have your heart.
