Originally Posted by JuliaP
I am preparing to have an honest discussion about my feelings with H. Our crappy communication has let us to a crappy place. I am no longer feeling love/sex and very vulnerable to an affair. Nothing has happened yet, but I fantasize about other men and leaving H for a while now.
I'm trying to fix the marriage before throwing in the towel, and one of the things I need from him- is a true strong connection, a deep friendship, and emotional closeness. That is for me, the main thing missing.
My question is: He is not close like this to anyone, nor has he ever been! Looking back, I don't think we were this close when we got married, I guess I thought we would build to that.
I don't know if it is possible for him to be this way. Or is it? When I tell him I need this, will I be asking him for the impossible? Can an emotionally distant person change?
The one thing that concerns me about your post is that you might be going against your own efforts to fixing your marriage by fantasizing about other men and being vulnerable to an affair. If possible,
1. Do not think about other men while you are still married
2. Give your marriage a chance to survive by seeing if you can work it out with your husband
3. If it doesn't work divorce him
4. Fantasize about other men and look for someone else
(Note: If you consider other men after leaving your husband, it will not be an "affair" or "cheating" and you will not get the guilty feeling you would otherwise get