Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

lili · 05-13-2012, 07:00 AM

I've been with my partner 5 years and we bought a house and moved in together last November. At the end of January he got a new job with ridiculous working hours, every day 12 hours shifts except for Monday and Tuesday. I do a conventional 9-5 job so this means that we rarely have the sort of quality time we want/need. We don't get to spend a single minute of the weekend together, for example. He says he can't find another 'good' job but I say how 'good' a job is it with those hours. He's a hard worker and I try to keep a lid on how I feel, but I can't always. I feel that we bought a house and moved in together to move the relationship forward and the opposite is happening. But I don't think he's very sympathetic to that view. He doesn't know how much I just want to spend time with him, do normal stuff like pottering in the house, cuddling on the sofa in the evening, instead I just rattle round our new house feeling a bit empty. Yes by the way I do have a good circle of friends and a good social life but I don't want to HAVE to go out or call on mates all the time.

So we do argue about it at times and I think I become a bit pathetic and tearful (which is not really me). We rowed about it this week, now he is sleeping in the spare room and this morning told me he doesn't know if he loves me any more.

Maybe this is making me sound selfish. There are far worse things than a man who works too hard. He's a good, decent man and I love him dearly. He says he has colleagues at work who've been doing those hours for years while being married but for the life of me I don't know how. The weird thing is that if I didn't love him, or wanted to play away, I wouldn't care about his working hours.

We went on holiday a few weeks ago. It was bliss, just being able to spend time together, talk to each other, resume the old spark, and I saw no sign that he was falling out of love with me then. But maybe the signs have been there. He's never said it before so sorry this is a bit long-winded as I feel a bit shocked and confused. The last thing I want is for our relationship to end but I don't know how to go forward.

05-13-2012, 07:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
lili Registered User Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 5	Not sure he loves me any more I've been with my partner 5 years and we bought a house and moved in together last November. At the end of January he got a new job with ridiculous working hours, every day 12 hours shifts except for Monday and Tuesday. I do a conventional 9-5 job so this means that we rarely have the sort of quality time we want/need. We don't get to spend a single minute of the weekend together, for example. He says he can't find another 'good' job but I say how 'good' a job is it with those hours. He's a hard worker and I try to keep a lid on how I feel, but I can't always. I feel that we bought a house and moved in together to move the relationship forward and the opposite is happening. But I don't think he's very sympathetic to that view. He doesn't know how much I just want to spend time with him, do normal stuff like pottering in the house, cuddling on the sofa in the evening, instead I just rattle round our new house feeling a bit empty. Yes by the way I do have a good circle of friends and a good social life but I don't want to HAVE to go out or call on mates all the time. So we do argue about it at times and I think I become a bit pathetic and tearful (which is not really me). We rowed about it this week, now he is sleeping in the spare room and this morning told me he doesn't know if he loves me any more. Maybe this is making me sound selfish. There are far worse things than a man who works too hard. He's a good, decent man and I love him dearly. He says he has colleagues at work who've been doing those hours for years while being married but for the life of me I don't know how. The weird thing is that if I didn't love him, or wanted to play away, I wouldn't care about his working hours. We went on holiday a few weeks ago. It was bliss, just being able to spend time together, talk to each other, resume the old spark, and I saw no sign that he was falling out of love with me then. But maybe the signs have been there. He's never said it before so sorry this is a bit long-winded as I feel a bit shocked and confused. The last thing I want is for our relationship to end but I don't know how to go forward.