22 years and finding it hard to leave
My husband and I have been together 23 years. Married for 22. I have 2 kids with my first husband and 2 kids with my present husband. We have accumulated a lot of material things while we have been married. A beautiful home, nice vehicles. We are not rich but we do okay. I have horses, which is a dream come true for me. But I have paid the price emotionally. I have been abused emotionally and physically. He has a very addictive personality. He's an alcoholic though he doesn't drink so much anymore because of health problems (pancreas) occasionally he gives himself permission to drink and he is on a mission! It's ugly. I can't even look at him. He has been addicted to meth but I caught him and he quit.. He has been addicted to porn but I caught him and he quit. Now he's in his fifties and I just see a bloated opinionated man that I don't respect.
I can't forget the names he called me and the way he was emotionally mean to my first two kids.
We don't get out much because he says he doesnt like to go anywhere with me.
I really want to get a divorce. But I don't know how to give up the security of my home and the income. I work, but for myself I have no benefits i.e. health insurance.
My kids are grown. 2 oldest are out on their own, 2 youngest living at home, in college.
Marriage counseling won't work, we have tried it. They won't change the way I feel.
I don't know if anyone will read this, but I am sure there has got to be someone else who has been in this situation.