Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Wanting kinky but your spouse is totally vanilla.

Catherine602 · 05-15-2012, 12:13 AM

But why didn't he just go for it? That called a small step in the right direction. He would have been smart if he accepted that as a step and not an affront.

That is a problem - impatience, and the expectation of getting what you want without allowing the other person to take small steps.

What your friend did was to convince his partner that it was not safe for her to try anything with him because she may incurr his displeasure if she did not do exactly as he wanted.

I can't understand why people think that changes should take place all at once, no matter how large. The expectation that an inhibited woman will turn a dime is naive to me. Inthink he is a bad lover. If this man you speak of is unhappy with his sex life then he is at fault. He failed not his wife.

He failed to be patient, provide a safe and accepting environment for her to grow and make mistakes. In addition, he seems to thinks he is entitled to have what he wants when he wants it with very little effort.

I am certain he got a lot of sympathy from unenlightened men. Men who are less ready to be angry and who have realistic expectations are not so sympathetic.

I'll bet He has preconceived notions about woman so he assumed that her inhibition was an inherent immutable female characteristic. So he got to complain about her and feel superior about being more open than she sexually. I am sure that worked well for him.

If he viewed her as an individual, he would have realized he had to go slower and be patient and that would have had a positive effect on her.

05-15-2012, 12:13 AM	#44 (permalink)
Catherine602 Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 3,645	But why didn't he just go for it? That called a small step in the right direction. He would have been smart if he accepted that as a step and not an affront. That is a problem - impatience, and the expectation of getting what you want without allowing the other person to take small steps. What your friend did was to convince his partner that it was not safe for her to try anything with him because she may incurr his displeasure if she did not do exactly as he wanted. I can't understand why people think that changes should take place all at once, no matter how large. The expectation that an inhibited woman will turn a dime is naive to me. Inthink he is a bad lover. If this man you speak of is unhappy with his sex life then he is at fault. He failed not his wife. He failed to be patient, provide a safe and accepting environment for her to grow and make mistakes. In addition, he seems to thinks he is entitled to have what he wants when he wants it with very little effort. I am certain he got a lot of sympathy from unenlightened men. Men who are less ready to be angry and who have realistic expectations are not so sympathetic. I'll bet He has preconceived notions about woman so he assumed that her inhibition was an inherent immutable female characteristic. So he got to complain about her and feel superior about being more open than she sexually. I am sure that worked well for him. If he viewed her as an individual, he would have realized he had to go slower and be patient and that would have had a positive effect on her. __________________ "Hey some guys need a book to find the G-spot. It was intuitive for me. Some take the road less travelled." Enthropy 3000 Last edited by Catherine602; 05-15-2012 at 12:23 AM.