If I can get past this kind of stuff (each paragraph is an email from 3 years ago from my H to his AP) you can overcome a simple "I love you":
You are too good. Please, tell me your needs, your feelings. Better to be open. And lover, you're never a "burden" or whatever to me. Seriously, every minute with you is amazing. I will always seek to understand -- and hopefully the two of us don't have to try too hard to be attuned to each other. |
[her nickname for him] for the rest of my life.
[AP], Hi! Doing this from my bb... . While the kids fall asleep.
We're both so funny. Feel the same way about ourselves and each other, to an extent. Every time with u, I'm at peace -- and in awe. Can't believe you love me....
[her nickname for him] always
[AP], u r an amazing woman. For the rest of my days, I will adore you. There's plenty in life to worry about, but don't worry, or wonder, about me. How I see you is unshakable, unchanging. All I want, is to experience life with you, be with you, and, God, make you happy. Anywho... 'nite, best friend, soulmate, stunningly beautiful woman.
ALWAYS. Never doubt. Thinking about you all day... It's hard, but hard only 'cause love you. Thank you, [his nickname for her]. You are so good to me... Hope I am to you...
I have a list as long as my arm of the stuff I know about her that he never found out. He never asked. He called her his soulmate, but she WASN'T his soulmate. He said that he LOVED her, but it was infatuation. He was too busy b*tching about me to be bothered to actually get to know her.
He was able (by keeping it secret) to go through the whole arc of the affair. From crazy "in love" to "warm fuzzies." Right after DD#2, he told me that the one thing he remembered after DD#1 was when I explained to him that their relationship did not exist in the real world. They never had any conflict, because they never spent any significant time together. She never criticized him, and he only validated her.
What WAS real was the emptiness he had that he filled by talking to her. What was also real was how painfully far I had pushed him away until he felt this was his only recourse. That does not mean that I feel responsible for his choice. But I was more than responsible for the vulnerable state of our marriage.
And that is something I think about from time to time. If the BS has stuff that they need to be forgiven for, it makes it easier to forgive the WS for their stupid choice. But then, a cheater who betrays a spouse who did nothing more than fail to be a mindreader has much more serious issues than my husband ever did--all these things he said to his AP notwithstanding.