| | Re: Handling a wife's emotional affair or maybe the EA of my wife's friend toward my
She's getting a nearby apartment, and she's said she'll have the kids Sunday through Weds. and take them to school Thursday morning, I pick up the kids Thursday after school and keep them until Sunday morning.
She's spoke about this as something she needs to do to grow as a person - you see, she does have issues with dependency and she is capable of independence, but chooses not to be independent and enables that by blaming others for her state of dependency. Moving out will be good for this issue because she can't blame anyone and she'll be forced to learn that she has the capacity to be responsible for her own actions.
Also, our house is a very long story, suffice to say it needs to be gutted and while she's living in the apartment, I'll make major headway on remodelling in our house and after the 6 month lease the house will be a much better place - the house's issues are a huge source of anxiety for her.
Mind you, her schedule isn't going to leave her much free time. She's taking on Saturday work to pay for the apartment rent, already working Thursday and Friday, she goes to the gym, she'll have to do groceries cleaning and laundry in the time the kids are away, and she often volunteers and/or has marathon events that take up the whole day Saturday. (She works for her mom's business, so doing work is something she gets a lot of flexibility with, so I'm sure if she has a full day event Saturday she'll get 48 hours of work in somewhere in the Thursday-Friday time.)
I don't think it really is a detail that's significantly germain to the question - aside from the fact that I am trying to communicate that I'm confident the separation isn't the guaranteed end of our marriage. I know I have work to do and I am hopeful that I can do it with a good chance of saving our marriage.
This is just a matter of my wanting to ensure this friend is not going to be someone that comes between us.
So I'm thinking at the end of the school day, I'l just talk with this guy and start off just asking if we can talk, and maybe I'll try asking about his marriage and discussing that - and at an appropriate point, simply tell him that I want very much to save my own marriage, and I appreciate that he's been a friend to my wife, but I'm concerned that the friendship might be interfering with our healing process.
What I'd appreciate is some feedback if I'm going about this right or if there's anything I should do differently?
Last edited by WillK; 05-16-2012 at 12:44 PM.