Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Handling a wife's emotional affair or maybe the EA of my wife's friend toward my wife

iheartlife · 05-16-2012, 01:37 PM

WillK, this is a very bad situation. Very bad.

The biggest red flag--deceptiveness. The minute it's detected, THAT VERY MINUTE, you should consider this a five alarm fire. It is the gateway through which all affairs occur. It is the moment in which she is learning, before your very eyes, to lie to herself and to you.

This whole 'dependency' thing--that is called a rationalization.

She uses it as an excuse--to LIE to you and to herself--that she "needs" to "learn" how not to be dependent on you.

YOU use it too--because golly, she needs to learn how to order a pizza.

Please go back and read your description of the pizza example (and don't go telling us that it wasn't a very good example!). You were busy at work. She gets mad you didn't order a pizza--when she could easily order the pizza. In YOUR twisted logic, living on her own is going to....teach her to order a pizza when you're busy at work?

Let's say she is young and inexperienced and used to others doing her bidding (which means that she's accustomed, perhaps, to being indulged, since many a 13 year old orders their own pizza). Exactly how could she not learn this lesson while married to you and living in your house? You just showed us how. You cannot wait on her hand and foot (any more than I suspect you already do). Ergo, she needs to step up and become an adult--but all it takes is for you to stop doing things for her. While still married, and under the same roof. Independence learned.

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I also need to comment on something else you said, which is you want your specific question answered. The forum can certainly help you answer specific questions. But because the people here (such as myself) have direct experience with affairs, including (like myself) emotional affairs in particular, posters tend to take different pieces of the issue and expand on them. These might initially seem to you not to be important or relevant. Please step back and take another look at what seems like extraneous advice. It is part of a larger picture that is going to help you with the larger problems in your marriage.

05-16-2012, 01:37 PM	#15 (permalink)
iheartlife Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 3,247	Re: Handling a wife's emotional affair or maybe the EA of my wife's friend toward my WillK, this is a very bad situation. Very bad. The biggest red flag--deceptiveness. The minute it's detected, THAT VERY MINUTE, you should consider this a five alarm fire. It is the gateway through which all affairs occur. It is the moment in which she is learning, before your very eyes, to lie to herself and to you. This whole 'dependency' thing--that is called a rationalization. She uses it as an excuse--to LIE to you and to herself--that she "needs" to "learn" how not to be dependent on you. YOU use it too--because golly, she needs to learn how to order a pizza. Please go back and read your description of the pizza example (and don't go telling us that it wasn't a very good example!). You were busy at work. She gets mad you didn't order a pizza--when she could easily order the pizza. In YOUR twisted logic, living on her own is going to....teach her to order a pizza when you're busy at work? Let's say she is young and inexperienced and used to others doing her bidding (which means that she's accustomed, perhaps, to being indulged, since many a 13 year old orders their own pizza). Exactly how could she not learn this lesson while married to you and living in your house? You just showed us how. You cannot wait on her hand and foot (any more than I suspect you already do). Ergo, she needs to step up and become an adult--but all it takes is for you to stop doing things for her. While still married, and under the same roof. Independence learned. --------------- I also need to comment on something else you said, which is you want your specific question answered. The forum can certainly help you answer specific questions. But because the people here (such as myself) have direct experience with affairs, including (like myself) emotional affairs in particular, posters tend to take different pieces of the issue and expand on them. These might initially seem to you not to be important or relevant. Please step back and take another look at what seems like extraneous advice. It is part of a larger picture that is going to help you with the larger problems in your marriage.