Originally Posted by lamaga
OK, ignoring most of the comments here --
judging from your post, your wife is dealing with this in an appropriate manner. Your question was should you talk to the guy?
I say no. That's putting your wife in an infantilized role, like you need to take care of her issues. That would p*ss me off bigtime, and it's simply not appropriate. I'm guessing you didn't marry a child, so don't treat her as one. As long as she continues to not return his advances, let her deal with it. She is an adult, and she deserves that you respect her as such.
He says she is being deceptive about the communications.
I agree he treats her like an infant--that is painfully clear (see my post on the previous page).
But there is zero call for deceptiveness. This is the lifeblood of an affair.
There is this myth that if you express boundaries to your spouse about communicating with a member of the opposite sex in an inappropriate way you are somehow controlling.
That may get confused in this case because this man does have a quasi-parent role in his marriage.
But make no mistake--setting this type of firm boundaries is the very essence of marriage. It is in no way unreasonable or inappropriate or controlling. This is not a parent / child thing. This is a, respect your fellow life partner thing.