Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Need really honest advice from the men...

frustratedinphx · 04-28-2008, 03:05 PM

Hi Carma,

Thanks for being candid with me. Just to clarify, I didn't withhold sex for 2 years solely from the trauma of the baby- that was for maybe 6 mos. After 36 hours of labor an emergency c-section and a tough recovery, I think that's justified. I quit wanting sex when my husband repeatedly started to berate everything i did as a SAHM- the way I cooked, cleaned, took care of our son and became verbally abusive toward me. I don't know about you, but if you spent most of the day in the kitchen, if someone complained about how you made your meals after they initially raved how wonderful you cooked in in the first place, I don't think you'd be rushing off to have sex with them after dinner either... BTW- none of my recipes changed. AND because we were new to town, we didn't have baby sitters, had no family nearby or friends who were willing to help- so I NEVER got a break or any time to myself.

Personally, I feel like I've been suffering for about 5 years already- since he started being mean even before we got pregnant the first time. Then, I "took one for the team" and moved to a city I hate, left behind my career, my friends and everything I loved only to be beat down by the one person who was supposed to be my best friend.

I get "breaks" from my misery when he feels like it and am supposed to be grateful for what I can get? I've stood by him through his having cancer, went back to work when he felt "trapped" and "pressured" by being the sole bread-winner and have picked up all the slack as far as our son was concerned until now because he's "not a morning person", "needs to work on a project", is playing video games, or whatever other excuse it is on any given day.

I haven't had a birthday/valentine's day gift in about 4 years, am lucky to get a card and have only 1 time in 8 years received flowers. On the flip side, I've tried to always anticipate what he might want- plan surprise trips, buy him nice things, book massage treatments for him and he COMPLAINS!! Marriage is a 2-way street as far as I knew. When do I get or deserve to be happy too?

Yes- I'm completely in the wrong for seeking some comfort in the arms of another- that will haunt me until the day I die, but I have to tell you, the loneliness was KILLING me.

04-28-2008, 03:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
frustratedinphx Registered User Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 17	Re: Need really honest advice from the men... Hi Carma, Thanks for being candid with me. Just to clarify, I didn't withhold sex for 2 years solely from the trauma of the baby- that was for maybe 6 mos. After 36 hours of labor an emergency c-section and a tough recovery, I think that's justified. I quit wanting sex when my husband repeatedly started to berate everything i did as a SAHM- the way I cooked, cleaned, took care of our son and became verbally abusive toward me. I don't know about you, but if you spent most of the day in the kitchen, if someone complained about how you made your meals after they initially raved how wonderful you cooked in in the first place, I don't think you'd be rushing off to have sex with them after dinner either... BTW- none of my recipes changed. AND because we were new to town, we didn't have baby sitters, had no family nearby or friends who were willing to help- so I NEVER got a break or any time to myself. Personally, I feel like I've been suffering for about 5 years already- since he started being mean even before we got pregnant the first time. Then, I "took one for the team" and moved to a city I hate, left behind my career, my friends and everything I loved only to be beat down by the one person who was supposed to be my best friend. I get "breaks" from my misery when he feels like it and am supposed to be grateful for what I can get? I've stood by him through his having cancer, went back to work when he felt "trapped" and "pressured" by being the sole bread-winner and have picked up all the slack as far as our son was concerned until now because he's "not a morning person", "needs to work on a project", is playing video games, or whatever other excuse it is on any given day. I haven't had a birthday/valentine's day gift in about 4 years, am lucky to get a card and have only 1 time in 8 years received flowers. On the flip side, I've tried to always anticipate what he might want- plan surprise trips, buy him nice things, book massage treatments for him and he COMPLAINS!! Marriage is a 2-way street as far as I knew. When do I get or deserve to be happy too? Yes- I'm completely in the wrong for seeking some comfort in the arms of another- that will haunt me until the day I die, but I have to tell you, the loneliness was KILLING me.