Originally Posted by iheartlife
So, with that ability to relate to you somewhat (your secret background story of more infidelity (?), perhaps on your part (?) notwithstanding), I am very confused by your story. I am trying to understand
That part is just not something I'd comeout and say out of respect for her desire to keep it between ourselves. I'll say that I was never disloyal. But in retrospect, some of my shortcomings then that led to that situation are shortcomings that are the same as the present situation.
--why you feel you must defend separating from your wife--again, her ostensible reason, with which you seem to agree, is for her to learn to be 'independent'--I just don't get this one at all--and the whole "we need to fix the house" thing--if your marriage were good and stable, that would be one thing--but it is very vulnerable right now from the things that YOU have told us
Let's put it this way. We bought this house for less than what my truck cost. This was 2 years ago. I spent 3 months doing the roof, myself, before we moved in. I rewired the house because it is a miracle that the 90+ year old jury-rigged wiring that was in the house had not burnt the house down. The sewer pipes were draining into the crawlspace. Since resolving these issues, I've been dealing with significant structural problems and the complete absence of a foundation.
My next projects will leave the crawlspace open to the rodents in our neighborhood - our first year here, we had a death count of 15 rats. I'll be tearing away floor and wall to completely reconfigure the floor plan.
As it was, my wife had a hard time dealing with the dirt and dust that tracked and blew in from the crawlspace when I worked on the house.
As I say, the goal will be to heal the relationship so the apartment is a safe haven the whole family including me can share while the work is going on.