Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - separation, depression, and lost myself
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Old 05-17-2012, 12:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
COGypsy
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Default Re: separation, depression, and lost myself

Need a swift kick you say? Lucky for you I'm chiming in with just that! You knew I would, right?

The swift kick you need is simply: acceptance. I've mentioned this before, but the reality is that as an unmedicated and rapidly aging bipolar, your wife isn't likely to "get well" or "go into remission" for any length of time. Ours is a progressive disease. If it isn't medicated, or is intermittently medicated, the episodes get more frequent and more severe.

You know that I, of all people, don't feel that people who have bipolar disorder are unsalvageable. But they have to be TRYING to get better. Unmedicated, we're not that different from addicts. Only instead of chasing a bottle or a needle, we're chasing that magic that exists only in our brains.

My heart aches for you, it really does. I can tell that you would go to the ends of the earth for your relationship, and I can't tell you how much hope that gives me....that there are people like you out there.

BUT....back to the a$$ kicking, my friend! You need to take charge of your thoughts and understand and accept that the wife you HAD, won't ever really be back. Right now she's embracing her chemical ride. The consequence of that is that it makes it more and more likely that her future will be just as challenging for her.

What you have to do, is understand that. Mourn it as over, rather than a trial to be suffered until she "gets well". "Well" as you knew it just isn't ever going to happen. The sooner you can look forward instead of back, the better off your kids, and you will be! Seriously, if you want to sit and eat the lotuses of your past with your wife, that's up to you. But what about your kids? How long are you willing to keep them in limbo pretending that this is just a little "blip" in the status quo?

You need to re-frame your outlook, man......and fast, because it's not just your life, as I'm sure you know!
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