| | Re: So sad-can't let go of bad marriage (sorry-long)
First off, you should never minimize the violence, nor the anger behind it. Even the hateful words over and over can be considered a form of emotional abuse. Once all of those signs are there, never ignore them.. I should really be the one to talk here yea right! Im still sitting here waiting for the day I wake up with my balls screwed on tightly enough to make that leap, unfortunately with the most recent physical episode of mine that moment is scarily close for me. But Ive been where your at for a lot of years. We've been married 12 also. Outside of his angry times and blowups hes also loving, a great father blah blah. For years Ive let the excuse of these good things cloud over the bad and not want to truly leave and give up. But every hateful word and every time something is slammed theres a pit in your stomach you just cant get gone til the moments over and your just relieved its ok again. And you somehow reassure yourself 'see everything will be ok, its workable" but it eats away at you and you dont even realize it. If you ever get close enough to want to finally leave, dont ever think the kids cant get through it ok,. . Theyll be hurt some and confused at first, thats not really preventable, but children are sooo much more resilient than we are. Most recent of my episodes I put a RO on husband and he couldnt come home for 2 weeks. Even in that short amount of time they missed him of course, but keeping communication open with them, they were doing quite well actually. More damage can be done with them in an unhealthy setting at home with the both of you and all this animosity floating around. Try every other tactic you can first to see if things can be made better, if not please dont be too afraid to do what you need to do for yourself and the kids. At least youll always be able to walk away knowing you did everything you could, and so it certainly wasnt your fault. Im finally being able to find some peace with that and allowing it to give me some much needed strength.