| | Re: Wife messing around while I was overseas - update
There is no honor in either your wife or the OM.
She had sex with him. doesn't matter if the OM went inside or not. She had sex with him. He had sex with her.
Her marriage vows have been completely trashed and she did it by choice. She even spent effort in arranging it, and preparing herself for him.
She continues to contact him and lie to you.
You need to expose him publically. I'd start with Cheaterville.com, and then if he has facebook, get on your wife's account and find all his contacts. Use her account to notify each of them about how honorable he is.
This isn't revenge - this is letting his actions and his honor be publicly displayed.
As for your wife - she continues to defend him over you - she continues to lie to you - she continues to use secret means to contact him.
The affair isn't over by anymeans, it is very much still active. They will be meeting up again at the very next opportunity.
I know you don't want to throw away your marriage, but realize that whatever you did in the past - you are no longer doing it. And that is the difference here. She is still actively in the affair. She has not chosen to stop, instead she has chosen to take it underground.
The minute she has a chance she will be meeting up with him. It might be for an afternoon, or a vacation. Either way, she is choosing him. You being home is only a bit of drama for her to live through, but she will find a way.
Kill the affair before you worry about R. Expose it. Expose her. I know you said before that her cultural background would prevent sex - but that failed. She had sex with him on multiple occasions - even she admits that.
So you need to stop thinking that this is somehow a special case because of culture or age. It's not. It's just another wife cheating.
So you need to follow the basic recipe for killing an affair.
Exposure - make it public to friends and family. Both for your wife and the OM
Cut off money - remove her ability to use family money to support the cheating
Monitor - keylogger on the PC, VAR in cars, GPS tracker on car.