carmaenforcer

I actually do feel you frustratedinphx. Like you, I too do all the cooking pick up the slack with the house cleaning when it's supposed to be my Wifes turn to clean or do dishes or clean the cat's little box, etc. and like you I feel heulla unappreciated most of the time. I'm a guy and so most of the time feel neglected sexually too, so unlike you I would probably still have sex with her even if I was mad at her, but like I said, I think that's a guy thing.

Had you already tried to talk to him about all these issues, before you messing with another guy, I mean?

The fact that he had a cancer scare could have contributed to his being a jerk or being selfish, but doesn't make it right.

You obviously harbor a lot of resentment towards your husband for his being the cause of your suffering for 5 years even before the birth of your first baby, then taking your sacrifices and contributions for granted, not being romantic or thoughtful enough to do stuff for you on special occasions, etc. Any one of these things give you valid reasons to be angry, none however justify you messing with another guy and cheating on your husband.
What's done is done though and as you stated you will probably feel bad about that for the rest of your life. The worst thing about your infidelity is that it will probably be the final nail in the coffin as far as being able to fix things in your relationship with your husband. I don't want to say that your husband will not claim to forgive your indiscretion, I've seen worse forgiven, but do you think your relationship will get better now that your a cheater in his eyes or worse? Be honest with your self, and come to grips with the fact that you have probably pretty much killed any chance you had of reaching him and getting him to care about what he's done to you and he has all the right in the world to just leave. Unless you want to make it work and he does too.
Would you be willing to do the one thing that could help save your marriage at this point and cut all ties with the person that you messed with. There will after all, be the conflict of keeping it "our little secret", and that's continuing the relationship in a bad way, you know.
I forgave my Wife's infidelities, but am yet to forget. I have some serious demons because of this and have put my Wife through hell. We're doing cool now, she really seems to be trying to make it work, I can't help but wonder if shes being so nice because she did or almost did something and is currently teetering in my direction. SHADY! I say to myself while just enjoying the good times for face value.

I cant judge you because I too was thinking of cheating because of how unhappy I am with our sex life, still might.
My Wife's indifference and plain selfish attitude toward the whole subject seriously has made me hate her. This would make it easier to do her wrong without feeling too bad about it.

My Wife and I also have a family, a 1 1/2 year old baby boy that we both love with all of our hearts. I think this helps looking towards a future with someone, I know that I have overlooked a lot of BS and head-trips from my Wife because of him.

It's going to be ruff for you with two little children, either way you go. Good luck with your husband and your friend, just be honest with yourself maybe wait for the hormones to die down a little bit before making too life changing of decisions.