UpnDown

I too did the letter writing at one point. Wrote her this letter about how she deserved better blah blah blah. Said all the wrong things etc etc. It was right after she found out I had snooped through some of her things (although I ended up finding stuff).

Wrote it, left it on the door. In the morning when I got up for work (she was sleeping, had stayed out until like 1am) the letter wasn't on the door anymore. Found it in the laundry room on the dryer, when I got home it was gone.

She never mentioned anything about it, I never asked her if she actually read it. Then 3 weeks later after I had enough and blew up on her (kicking her out) she had taken everything of hers and there on the dresser was the letter.

In the end, the no response about it and just the fact she kept it caused more problems for me than actually writing the damn thing.

From what I understand of the 180 is that in this point in time, it doesn't matter what you say or do (in most situations). I tried to talk reason, explain myself and 'work things out' but the truth is, there was a snapping point in her head (well beyond the first time she left) that put her into self survival mode and nothing else mattered. Whatever you say, no matter how hard you pour your soul into it, may just fall on deaf ears and cause you more heartache in the end.

I also now regret even writing her that letter, for the most part all it did was empower her. Gave her reasons as to why she was on the right path for 'herself'. Hell, I don't even agree with what I had written anyways. Made her out to be the only victim and it's not true.

But just so you know, the 180 or NC (no contact) isn't an easy path .. there really isn't an 'easy' path. After a few days of physical separation my stbxw was talking with me at my daughters dance about all her plans, how great her life was going to be. Oh she started jogging now, she couldn't wait to start her new job blah blah blah.

There I was, still a mess and she was just so gloriously happy. That night I text her and told her I didn't want any contact other than with the kids. That as of right now I couldn't even consider being friends, she of course snapped back quickly and it's been downhill from there.

Went a few weeks without any texting other than about the kids, then she would send me little 'business' texts (about our financing etc) and I wouldn't respond. She has made 2 or 3 comments / arguments about how I do not respond to her anymore. But really, I brought up the possibility of reconciling and she said "we aren't good for each other".

So why would I keep in contact?




Honestly, leaving silently is your best choice in my opinion. Don't leave him with a part of you on a piece of paper. Do this for yourself, not for him.

You also have to think about him consoling you, are you sure it's even about you? You would be amazed at how much 'kindness' is actually just a reason to feel good about themselves. Later on they can pat themselves on the back and say "well, I tried to make it easier on her".

Wish you the best of luck.