frustratedinphx

Thank you all for your POVs. They are exactly the perspective I need. I'm taking it all in and will re-evaluate where we are when the new baby is a few months old. Hopefully the hormones and the newness of everything will have died down by then to get a really clear picture of where we are and what we have before I make any decisions to do anything at all.

Carma- yes, I did try talking to him about this both on my own and in therapy and it just didn't seem to strike a cord with him at all. Ironically I used your exact verbiage saying that when he rejected me or was mean to me, it was like he was driving more and more nails into the coffin that was our marriage. He acknowledged that it made me feel sad and said that he did love me, but still he just couldn't tear himself from all of the other things in his own little world to spend time (sexual or not) with me. Truly, if we hadn't been on vacation out of the country with no internet access in our room, I seriously doubt I'd be pregnant. Even now that things appear *good* he just can't focus his attention on me to sit through 15 min. of dinner without having to get on his laptop, go "check on something" in his office" or whatever else. He has ADD which I'm sure heavily contributes and because I'm not new and exciting, he doesn't feel the need to make the effort for the maintenance that every marriage needs. But that's a whole other can of worms.

I wish that I could just hate him and make myself feel better about maybe going to see the other guy again, but I'm not wired that way. My thought is that if I really do act upon it that it will tell me that I'm in the wrong marriage and so I just do the right thing and leave.

Believe me, I wish to God that all these feelings I have for my friend could just be transfered to my husband. My concern is that even if I could snap my fingers wish the other guy away, hubby still wouldn't really ever change. Just short of ripping his clothes off and mounting him, I really have tried just about everything to get his attention- even before we got pregnant- parading around him naked, offering to buy toys, just being blunt- nothing worked. The rejection after doing all of that made me feel awful and stupid. I just hope that if we can get past all of this we'll have a *normal* healthy relationship (sexual and otherwise) and that I won't wake up a few years down the road back at point A thinking "I can't believe I fell for it again. How dumb am I?"

Thanks again and I wish all of you the best!