Originally Posted by Shaggy
You cannot fix it while the affair is a live. It's still alive in your wife.
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Fixing the marriage can only BEGIN after the betrayer reliquishes all hope for their affair partner. As long as that hope remains alive, they will not be honest in counseling, they will not share their innermost feelings with you, and they will not put the effort in. Fixing a marriage is HARD WORK and if a spouse has already chosen the easy way out by engaging in an affair, what makes you think they will suddenly reengage at the stage that she's in?
You cannot nice someone out of an emotional affair. You cannot beg, plead, cry, etc. and you cannot be increasingly loving. That stuff worked when you were romancing her at the beginning of the relationship, but each stage of a relationship has its own dynamic. In the "affair stage" (yuck, hate saying that), being nice and loving is actually repulsive to a cheating wife. Counterintuitive, I know. But you'll figure this out for yourself soon enough.