Join Date: May 2012
Location: Long Island, NY
Need advice.. husband won't leave house
Hi...Background...married about 20 years, 4 children, (ages 6,12,17,18)...I have been stay at home mom since my first child was born...I have 4 year B.S. Business degree but like I said, I haven't been in workplace for 18 years...My husband makes decent money and we live in a nice house, but we have a large mortgage, no debts otherwise.......We have always had a tough marraige, but never thought he would actually want to leave...He is verbally abusive at times and very domineering. I do love him, but dont like the way he treats me half of the time. There is no physical abuse or substance abuse. My husband has informed me that he is not happy and wants to see what it is like to be on his own, but doesn't know for sure if he is making a mistake or not. He wants to build an apartment in our basement so he is basically can see the kids whenever he wants and because it would be hard to afford a separate apartment and still pay mortgage, etc. He doesn't want a legal separation as of now because he is not sure if he would want to get back together in future and doesn't want to spend the money. SOOOO, I told him that there has to be a certain amount of time to make the decision and then I would want him to move out, or we would have to sell the house because I said I wouldn't want to live in the same house as my ex-husband for years. He said that I can't make him leave the house and he is not selling the house because we would lose too much money because the housing market went down and we bought at high point. (We wouldnt be in the hole, but would lose a good chunk of money if we sold now)..... That being said, I am worried that he wants to live in the basement, have full access to kids (although he knows he couldnt just come up into the house whenever he wanted), not have to "pay" me like he would in a divorce.....I am wondering if this is all part of a master plan so he doesnt have to go the child support, alimony etc route and he would be able to live like this indefinitely without the financial hit....OK.so here are the questions: I know I have the option of filing a separation, but what are my rights as far as him being in the house? If I file separation, does he have to leave? I can not bear to live in the same house with him if we are truly apart. I would not be able to go on with my life if that were the case. And should I let him build the apartment (yes, we would have to build an apartment to do this)and hope he will have the decency to leave when we are permanently separated? Is it a mistake to have that apartment built.... In a way, I am hoping for him to realize that he is making a mistake and want to come back for the right reason, but am I being stupid and gullable and will make things harder legally for myself later. If I knew this apartment thing wouldn't hurt me legally, I would be willing to try it for a few months, but if things didn't work out, I would want him totally out so I can start a life over for myself. Could I make him leave after I file separation. Anyone know the legal answers to this? I am in NY. Thanks for any advice.