I really feel for you because I'm experiencing the same thing with my husband. I have tried going back to when we were first together to see if we can re-create that initial attraction and try to do the things that I know matter to him. I've backed away completely from asking for or initiating sex and will do so once I feel we are more *connected* again.
It's starting to work a bit since he now kisses me before he leaves for work, kisses me goodnight and is more open to spooning in bed. It's not everything that I'm craving, but it's a step in the right direction.
I also struggle with trying hard not to want to have my needs be satisfied *elsewhere*, but I think that will ultimately come with time. In addition, I've come to the realization that I need to have some kind of drop dead point for myself since I've been hanging on for "just 6 mos. more" for many years. I don't want to live in limbo for the rest of my life. It will be miserable being a single parent of 2 kids under 4, but I don't want to throw my own needs to the wayside while setting a bad example of a marriage for my kids. Good luck to you...