Originally Posted by Deejo
Believe me, I understand. I really do.
I don't go negative unless or until the ex seriously breaches my boundaries. And I let her know it with measured, but extreme prejudice. It's rare.
I still believe that you and I function under many of the same premises. I need my ex to ok, because I need my kids to be ok.
There was a point in time that I would unconsciously seek her out for communication to cover some subject involving the kids, the house, or the divorce, that I knew she was simply going to ignore. I still felt compelled to influence, control, or prevent her or her circumstances from imploding ... I don't have that anymore.
Don't mean to put you on the spot ... well ... sure I do; do you feel like you have resolved your feelings for her as a spouse?
There is a difference between acknowledging and accepting that the marriage is over, and the feelings being over as well. I'm not trying to be insightful here; I'm talking from experience.
As a spouse, I truly think I'm done. Although I think I'm still in mourning for the marriage itself and much of what I thought it meant.
And I think I'm still struggling to figure out what being single is going to mean for me - if that makes sense.
I just find it difficult to "co-parent" with someone that I don't communicate with very often.
My understanding and the way I operate is that if the kids are with her - I leave the parenting business up to her. And sadly that means that they will have to find ways to cope with their Mother without my direct help or involvement.
One of the reasons I held on to the marriage was that I knew I'd lose at least some influence over her behavior, and also some of my ability to protect the kids from her "personality."
Unless she's abusive or neglectful - I'm not real sure what boundaries I can actually set and reinforce at this point.