Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

mollymalone · 05-01-2008, 09:33 AM

hi, hope someone can help me get my perspective back!

have been married for 14yrs.both of us married before and we both felt we were very happy ,had the usual family probs,children being ill,family members very ill,but we got through it all.
until last year..
my husband had to work away from home,for nearly the last 2 yrs on and off.he shared a house with other men but last year found out a single recently divorced lady rented one of the rooms,she was friends with my husband's work mate.she had been there only one week, she was looking for work and my husband helped her with her cv, all the men went out in the evening including this woman.
i stumbled across a text on his phone when he was home for weekend and it was saying basically what she wanted to do to him sexually.i went crazy, he says nothing happened, but that week she was there they "hit it off" and they had been flirting via text during the week.
the sex text i found on his phone he said they sent back and forth to each other when he had too much to drink.when he woke up next morning he was filled with remorse and told the woman so and deleted everything including her number but forgot to get rid of text.

my husband since that point has fallen over backwards to help me and says he wishes he could turn the clock back.strangely we both feel more in love now than ever, and both realise the reasons he did what he did.i thought in time i could get over it.

that was until i found out that he and his secretary around the same time as all the above was going on,were texting as "just friends" always to do with work apparently,but he chose to keep it secret from me as he thought i would leave there and then.

i feel like a total idiot. some days i want to leave, and feel overwhelmed by sadness,then other days i think i won't throw the towel in we have 3 older kids.one who has special needs and needs us both.

my husband is now the most attentive, caring,loving and remorseful person and he too sometimes feels suicidal because of the way he behaved.he said nothing sexual actually ever happened and i now do believe that.

i just want to know do the really sad feelings ever go away?it's been nearly a year and i still thinkabout it everyday.
sorry if post is long winded.
any help/thoughts appreciated.

05-01-2008, 09:33 AM	#1 (permalink)
mollymalone Registered User Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 4	need reassurance hi, hope someone can help me get my perspective back! have been married for 14yrs.both of us married before and we both felt we were very happy ,had the usual family probs,children being ill,family members very ill,but we got through it all. until last year.. my husband had to work away from home,for nearly the last 2 yrs on and off.he shared a house with other men but last year found out a single recently divorced lady rented one of the rooms,she was friends with my husband's work mate.she had been there only one week, she was looking for work and my husband helped her with her cv, all the men went out in the evening including this woman. i stumbled across a text on his phone when he was home for weekend and it was saying basically what she wanted to do to him sexually.i went crazy, he says nothing happened, but that week she was there they "hit it off" and they had been flirting via text during the week. the sex text i found on his phone he said they sent back and forth to each other when he had too much to drink.when he woke up next morning he was filled with remorse and told the woman so and deleted everything including her number but forgot to get rid of text. my husband since that point has fallen over backwards to help me and says he wishes he could turn the clock back.strangely we both feel more in love now than ever, and both realise the reasons he did what he did.i thought in time i could get over it. that was until i found out that he and his secretary around the same time as all the above was going on,were texting as "just friends" always to do with work apparently,but he chose to keep it secret from me as he thought i would leave there and then. i feel like a total idiot. some days i want to leave, and feel overwhelmed by sadness,then other days i think i won't throw the towel in we have 3 older kids.one who has special needs and needs us both. my husband is now the most attentive, caring,loving and remorseful person and he too sometimes feels suicidal because of the way he behaved.he said nothing sexual actually ever happened and i now do believe that. i just want to know do the really sad feelings ever go away?it's been nearly a year and i still thinkabout it everyday. sorry if post is long winded. any help/thoughts appreciated.