Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

carmaenforcer · 05-01-2008, 12:36 PM

Hi mollymalone,
It is ok for you to stay with your husband and it is possible to be happy after your spouse has violated your trust in you. It is also ok and absolutely normal for you to not trust the way you did before.

I am also a survivor of cheating and have coped with the natural insecurities and doubts people experience as a result by tightening the boundaries in our marriage.
I have my Wife under a microscope most of the time and don't put up with any stuff from her. There is peace only when she wants it and when she steps out of line, starts bending or just ignoring the rules, I fire off a warning shot before doing something myself.
My Wife has nicknamed me "Mr. Fairness" because of my Military like resolve in my convictions. She tries to rebel every now and then but has become weary of my responses, I've become a bit of a prick and apparently I'm good at it. A regretful fact for me, for I am a nice guy at heart. This is apparently unavoidable when living with a person like my Wife, who seems a lot like your husband in their inability to control the way they act with their coworkers or friends of the opposite sex.

Do not worry though, Your husband obviously cares enough to at least try to make things work, quick to want to listen to you.
I had to condition my Wife to care about my feelings, you seem to have someone that already knows how, but just slipped for whatever reason.

Addressing the reason(s) for your husbands behavior is important, counseling might not be a bad idea, unless you have an open and honest dialog with your husband already.

Do you think there might have been anything that you did, or didn't do to make him feel like he needed to do what he hid?

Be honest with yourself in assessing the issues in your marriage.
You can get what you need out of it and still be sensitive to what he needs, this will avoid future resentment.

It sounds to me like you have things pretty much under control, although I would have a talk with him about his female friends/coworkers and his interactions with them, text or otherwise.

I wish you luck, strength and wisdom in your relationships future.

05-01-2008, 12:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
carmaenforcer Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 151	Re: need reassurance Hi mollymalone, It is ok for you to stay with your husband and it is possible to be happy after your spouse has violated your trust in you. It is also ok and absolutely normal for you to not trust the way you did before. I am also a survivor of cheating and have coped with the natural insecurities and doubts people experience as a result by tightening the boundaries in our marriage. I have my Wife under a microscope most of the time and don't put up with any stuff from her. There is peace only when she wants it and when she steps out of line, starts bending or just ignoring the rules, I fire off a warning shot before doing something myself. My Wife has nicknamed me "Mr. Fairness" because of my Military like resolve in my convictions. She tries to rebel every now and then but has become weary of my responses, I've become a bit of a prick and apparently I'm good at it. A regretful fact for me, for I am a nice guy at heart. This is apparently unavoidable when living with a person like my Wife, who seems a lot like your husband in their inability to control the way they act with their coworkers or friends of the opposite sex. Do not worry though, Your husband obviously cares enough to at least try to make things work, quick to want to listen to you. I had to condition my Wife to care about my feelings, you seem to have someone that already knows how, but just slipped for whatever reason. Addressing the reason(s) for your husbands behavior is important, counseling might not be a bad idea, unless you have an open and honest dialog with your husband already. Do you think there might have been anything that you did, or didn't do to make him feel like he needed to do what he hid? Be honest with yourself in assessing the issues in your marriage. You can get what you need out of it and still be sensitive to what he needs, this will avoid future resentment. It sounds to me like you have things pretty much under control, although I would have a talk with him about his female friends/coworkers and his interactions with them, text or otherwise. I wish you luck, strength and wisdom in your relationships future. Last edited by carmaenforcer; 05-01-2008 at 12:40 PM.