Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

southerngirl · 05-01-2008, 12:45 PM

Short history....
My husband and I will be married for 1 year this month. This whole first year of marriage has been so hard for me.
I grew up in a family of 6, he grew up with only a dad and was an only child(he had a pretty rough childhood). We dated for 2.5 years and I then moved into his house with him and his roommate and 1 month later he proposed. We got married the following May. When I met my husband I knew he was for me, there was "something special" about him when I looked at him. We had excitment, passion, and lots of great times at first.
So whats the Problem?

He has never had a relationship with anyone longer then 3 months before I met him.He was in his early 30's at the time. He's has never had to really "share" his life with anyone. He travels for work so he's gone at least 4 days out of the week, so when he gets home, I am very ready to see him. However when he walks in the door he's sorting through mail, surf the web, and just doesn't talk much and wants to be alone. I understand needing "alone time" however I don't understand him not missing me for 4 days and not being excited to see me when he gets home. I am a very emotional person, he is not. He never shows much emotion/passion. This has been a topic in many of our fights. Many times I have been so excited and ready to see him, I greet him at the door, and it's like it's just another day and he had just seen me that morning (even though it's been 4 days) So i feel completely rejected and disappointed. He tells me he's glad to see me and he missed me, but I just don't feel it. This happens weekly.

I am also a very sexual person, but when it comes to sex or sexual things, it's almost like he's got this huge wall up and isn't really into it. We'll do the act (not as much as I would like) but most of the time i get the vibe from him that he's just "getting the job done". No foreplay, no excitment, teasing, no nothing. I have asked him before "what really turns you on?" thinking maybe it was me that hasn't found what makes HIM happy, but he seriously said "nothing, I can't think of anything". I suggested dressing up, different locations, etc.....but "nothing" was still his answer. One time I had on a nice little outfit before bedtime (he was at the computer) and I sat on his lap for a min. to let him now i was going to bed and invited him to join........3 hours later he comes up to bed. (After i've fallen asleep) can anyone say rejection? I have never felt so undesired in my life. Because he's not a sexual person i constantly question myself that something is wrong with me, and why doesn't he want me or desire me?? I thought "newly weds" were supposed to be on honeymoon for at least a year. I felt like this ON our honeymoon. We only had sex 2 or 3 times on our honeymoon and we were gone for 10 days! Is it normal for a man to not be into sex?

I have tried to suggest different things I/we can do with the house like paintings on the bare walls, new furniture, etc. but he had the house how he likes it before I moved in and I feel like I have to have "permission" before I can decorate my own house. I brought home a mirror for the dining room wall, and asked him to help me hang it.....after i held it up he said "no this won't work, i don't like it, i don't want to look at a mirror in the dining room for the rest of my life" (?) Is it normal for men to have problems with how their wives decorate the house? I feel the need to make the house my own too, or at least make it OURS. Because right now it seems and feels like it's HIS house. This has been the topic of the latest fights. I don't feel comfortable in my own house.

I have been so frustrated and tired of the whole thing. I'm sick of begging for sexual attention and attention in general. I feel like i've told him what my issues are, but nothing ever changes. I've been willing to make changes but he says he has no problems with me. I'm the one with problems with him, and I'm the one *****ing. Do I have too many expectations for marriage? I don't even feel like he's my best friend, I feel so sad and lonely. I feel like we don't just "talk". Most of our conversations consist of discussing our side busines and work. Any suggestions on might I might be missing??? Sorry it's this post is so long...hope someone can offer some suggestions.

Thanks- I'm new here and look forward to chatting with everyone!

05-01-2008, 12:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
southerngirl Registered User Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 4	Is Marriage supposed to be like this?? Short history.... My husband and I will be married for 1 year this month. This whole first year of marriage has been so hard for me. I grew up in a family of 6, he grew up with only a dad and was an only child(he had a pretty rough childhood). We dated for 2.5 years and I then moved into his house with him and his roommate and 1 month later he proposed. We got married the following May. When I met my husband I knew he was for me, there was "something special" about him when I looked at him. We had excitment, passion, and lots of great times at first. So whats the Problem? He has never had a relationship with anyone longer then 3 months before I met him.He was in his early 30's at the time. He's has never had to really "share" his life with anyone. He travels for work so he's gone at least 4 days out of the week, so when he gets home, I am very ready to see him. However when he walks in the door he's sorting through mail, surf the web, and just doesn't talk much and wants to be alone. I understand needing "alone time" however I don't understand him not missing me for 4 days and not being excited to see me when he gets home. I am a very emotional person, he is not. He never shows much emotion/passion. This has been a topic in many of our fights. Many times I have been so excited and ready to see him, I greet him at the door, and it's like it's just another day and he had just seen me that morning (even though it's been 4 days) So i feel completely rejected and disappointed. He tells me he's glad to see me and he missed me, but I just don't feel it. This happens weekly. I am also a very sexual person, but when it comes to sex or sexual things, it's almost like he's got this huge wall up and isn't really into it. We'll do the act (not as much as I would like) but most of the time i get the vibe from him that he's just "getting the job done". No foreplay, no excitment, teasing, no nothing. I have asked him before "what really turns you on?" thinking maybe it was me that hasn't found what makes HIM happy, but he seriously said "nothing, I can't think of anything". I suggested dressing up, different locations, etc.....but "nothing" was still his answer. One time I had on a nice little outfit before bedtime (he was at the computer) and I sat on his lap for a min. to let him now i was going to bed and invited him to join........3 hours later he comes up to bed. (After i've fallen asleep) can anyone say rejection? I have never felt so undesired in my life. Because he's not a sexual person i constantly question myself that something is wrong with me, and why doesn't he want me or desire me?? I thought "newly weds" were supposed to be on honeymoon for at least a year. I felt like this ON our honeymoon. We only had sex 2 or 3 times on our honeymoon and we were gone for 10 days! Is it normal for a man to not be into sex? I have tried to suggest different things I/we can do with the house like paintings on the bare walls, new furniture, etc. but he had the house how he likes it before I moved in and I feel like I have to have "permission" before I can decorate my own house. I brought home a mirror for the dining room wall, and asked him to help me hang it.....after i held it up he said "no this won't work, i don't like it, i don't want to look at a mirror in the dining room for the rest of my life" (?) Is it normal for men to have problems with how their wives decorate the house? I feel the need to make the house my own too, or at least make it OURS. Because right now it seems and feels like it's HIS house. This has been the topic of the latest fights. I don't feel comfortable in my own house. I have been so frustrated and tired of the whole thing. I'm sick of begging for sexual attention and attention in general. I feel like i've told him what my issues are, but nothing ever changes. I've been willing to make changes but he says he has no problems with me. I'm the one with problems with him, and I'm the one *****ing. Do I have too many expectations for marriage? I don't even feel like he's my best friend, I feel so sad and lonely. I feel like we don't just "talk". Most of our conversations consist of discussing our side busines and work. Any suggestions on might I might be missing??? Sorry it's this post is so long...hope someone can offer some suggestions. Thanks- I'm new here and look forward to chatting with everyone!