thankyou everyone for your replies.it's very hard when you can't tell anyone!
both of us went to counselling together.i knew that because my husband worked away we had both become very "efficient" at coping on our own and didn't think we needed each other and we both assumed our marriage was rock solid.
amazing how things can turn around so quickly!it frightened both of us, in a way it was a big wake up call and we both decided we wanted to grow old together and fight for our marriage.it's just that sometimes i relive it all and get so sad and he feels this instinctively and he worries i won't be there when he comes home at night. i have open access to his phone, laptop for work etc, he has always had a very flirty personality and i have always been insecure about this as i told him some women who don't really know him,think that he is interested in them when he isn't.he has tried to change how he interacts with the opposite sex, even to the point i got to help him choose his next secretary.if he is late home he always calls and we both text each other throughout the day and make more effort to go out at weekends.he has told his boss he will never work away again.being able to cope so well without each other in a way was our downfall as we had no sex life or social life together.wust got on with it.e j
like i say,some of what happened in a way was a big wake up call but some days i feel dreadful and think i am an idiot to stay and maybe there was more to it than he said.
if only i could just wake up one day and just get over it!
thanks again everyone.