I am a person who has a hard time getting close to people... I don't know why. I did have a kind of screwed up growing up phase, so maybe that's it. I'm also a very analytical person, so I tend to analyze and look for reasons for things, which holds me back from being easy at socializing.
Despite that, I'm generally well liked by people, and good at conversation, and remember peoples names amazingly well. So, my good qualities would let me have friends, if I would just feel more comfortable opening up to them.
I think that the lack of close friends to vent to leads me here. I really do have a wonderful wife- a friend of mine, once he met her, dubbed her "Saint (her name)" because she is so warm, caring, and self sacrificing. I have 4 amazing kids, who we are raising well. We get compliments everywhere due to how well they act, how polite they are, how helpful, yes, even how adorable they are!
Despite being in this almost perfect life, there are still roadbumps... The mis matched libidos have almost led me to cheat on my wife. I have come close several times to having emotional affairs... Two women at workplaces, one on the internet... Due to me having weak boundaries and looking for attention.
Currently, our financial situation is very up and down, although getting better... i had a very successful business, which we dumped for next to nothing because the stress led me to a nervous breakdown. I called my wife one day on my way home (a 3 hour drive) to let her know the latest drama (over 3k in cash stolen by one of our employees) and while we were talking about it, I lost it... I was sobbing so hard I couldn't drive or talk, and here I was 3 hours from home. The fights with the mall one of our stores was in, having to fire an employee who was like a little brother to me, and who I treated very, very well, the money theft, several other things happening all at once all just broke me down. Due to the emotional state I was in, and lack of experience, the people we sold the business to took me to the cleaners and ran up immense debt under my name, which ruined our credit... And selling the businesses took us from an income of over 400k in 2004 to less than 15k in 2005 and 2006. That made it financially impossible to pursue legal action. My wife had to go back to work, and we ran up mega debt...
We have finally climbed out of the debt hole, and things are looking up, but the experiences of the last few years made it even harder for me to talk about my life with people.
Getting on here lets me vent, lets me interact with people who I don't have to worry about judging or looking down on me. That's important to me due to insecurities from my growing up years and our recent past.
Holy crap... Just re read that and almost deleted it!
If someone actually reads to this point, congratulations! welcome to my soap opera!
| 