Lyris

It sounds like you don't feel worthy of the attention and love of others, when it is expressed in gifts. I don't think consistently valuing others over yourself is at all a healthy way to live and it is leading you to disallow the people who love you to show that they do.

Have you considered the powerfully mixed messages you are sending your wife? On the one hand you are saying how little you need others to love you, how easy you are to please, how you only want to give. On the other hand you are being very very specific about how your wife can show love to you. From what I understand it is physical/sexual touch or nothing. And your wife is a child sexual abuse survivor so physical/sexual touch may be the one form of love expression that makes her uncomfortable. Maybe it makes her as uncomfortable as receiving gifts or public appreciation makes you.

It's interesting that it has taken until now for you to mention that your wife was sexually abused (sorry if I missed it earlier). It seems so obviously connected to the issues you are having. During her most vulnerable and formative years she learned that touch was not safe or loving. She has probably worked hard to separate her emotions from her physical self for so long that it now feels completely normal to her. That's why she is so disconnected during sex and why she doesn't think to offer physical touch during the day.
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