Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Wife still brings up 20 year old problems...

Pandakiss · 05-23-2012, 11:54 PM

Only thing I'm thinking is that those 20 year old problems are not. From reading, she needs to control her triggers and use her words to express herself.

Something is bothering her, like maybe she thought you were being flipant about, and you haven't calmly talked about.

Did you take it upon your self to fix the situation?? Nothing wrong with fixing things, but maybe she hasn't gotten the closer she needed. Maybe after all this time she hasent trusted you...don't know, just tossin out ideas.

Ask her what her what her feelings are, and listen. She is entitled to her thoughts and feelings. She might see this situation differently than you do.

Maybe she is insecure. Does she know--as in did you tell her--the only reason you did these things?? Maybe she dosent believe you. These conversations are not easy to have rationally. Keep cool. She will probly yell but try and listen to her words.

Just let her talk..she is the one with the problem. If you double talk her and yea but, yea but, she will shut down and continue the status quo.

I might be off base, maybe Im over thinking this or it's close to home for me to give advise. Hope this helps.

05-23-2012, 11:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
Pandakiss Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: In Happiness Posts: 1,210	Re: Wife still brings up 20 year old problems... Only thing I'm thinking is that those 20 year old problems are not. From reading, she needs to control her triggers and use her words to express herself. Something is bothering her, like maybe she thought you were being flipant about, and you haven't calmly talked about. Did you take it upon your self to fix the situation?? Nothing wrong with fixing things, but maybe she hasn't gotten the closer she needed. Maybe after all this time she hasent trusted you...don't know, just tossin out ideas. Ask her what her what her feelings are, and listen. She is entitled to her thoughts and feelings. She might see this situation differently than you do. Maybe she is insecure. Does she know--as in did you tell her--the only reason you did these things?? Maybe she dosent believe you. These conversations are not easy to have rationally. Keep cool. She will probly yell but try and listen to her words. Just let her talk..she is the one with the problem. If you double talk her and yea but, yea but, she will shut down and continue the status quo. I might be off base, maybe Im over thinking this or it's close to home for me to give advise. Hope this helps. __________________ yami ni madoishi awarena kage yo hito o kizutsuke otoshimete ts umi ni oboreshi go no tama i ppen shinde miru?